This was just the worst horror movie I've seen in recent years. I mean really, it was God awful. And it's all my friend's fault. So lets all throw tomatoes and heckle Kelly for suggesting this movie. (Insert large tomatoes and other garden vegetables being catapulted at Kelly.)
On the bright side, the experience of watching this film was hilarious and worth the matinee price. I arrived at the theater 30 mins before the showing and was waiting for Kelly to show up. Having sat in the lobby for 10 mins, I decide to go sit in the actual theater. Too bad the lights were out, even the lights on the floor to guide you to your seat. If the theater workers were going for a creepy atmosphere, they succeeded. I stood my ass right outside the auditorium until the lights came on. Once that happened, I felt safe enough to pick our seats and wait (im)patiently. She arrives and then the previews start...but with no sound.
That should have told me right then and there the caliber of movie I was about to sit through. The sound comes back on after 5 minutes and the most underwhelming trailers play. (Except for Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, I am too pumped for that.) Now it's finally time for the movie to start. It opens with a vague opening of seemingly random killings and jump cuts to our stars, a trio of college kids off to buy a house. You have Elliot, one of the most lackluster protagonists in horror history. Next is Sasha, Elliot's girlfriend who is basically a wooden plank. Last is John, Elliot's best friend who's only characteristics are that he wants Sasha and is black. With their new house comes creepy vibes right off the bat. They decide to do a seance with a paranormal gifted friend of Sasha's and the scares start.
Well, I guess they were supposed to start. I waited the whole movie to be scared at least once but it never happened. I did however laugh at the jokes the group of people that sat next to me were cracking. Best one was calling John, played by Lucien Laviscount, a discount Drake. It's funny because it's true. So you have a horror movie that was severely lacking in terror, actors that were without any skills, and a theater that has no hopes of anyone staying until the end. I say that because for the last 10 minutes of the film, the lights came on full blast. The was the icing on this crappy cake. And news flash, watching scary movies in the bright light of day takes away from the ambiance.
Finally, thankfully, it was over. I could take a full breath since I was no longer laughing in disbelief. Kelly and I left the theater grateful that we only spent $7 on the tickets and eager to put the memories behind us. With this first blog, I will hopefully obliterate this movie from my mind now that I've written it down.
P.S. We sat in the middle seat in the second to last row 😏😏
P.P.S. Don't think it don't see it don't think it don't see it don't think it don't see it
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