XXX: Return of the Unwanted Franchise

I'd like to confess something. I've never seen any of the XXX films before. Not the original and not the sequel with Ice Cube. They couldn't even get Vin Diesel back for that one but he's back now. "Better late than never" goes the saying. I think the most surprising thing about this film is not that is exists, but that I really enjoyed it. It's the perfect blend of mindless action and ridiculous plot.

My boyfriend had the choice of the theater while I had to choose which movie we saw. My first choice was Split but the tickets prices made me gasp so Xander Cage it was. We went after work and we were the first ones in the theater. I hoped that we would be the only ones there but no such luck. A group of teens came in, along with a few single individuals and other twosomes. Since the film had been out for a while, we were in a smaller theater so it felt a bit crowded. 7:00 rolls around and it's the opening credits. No trailers, no dimming of the lights, no wait. I was a little confused at first but went with it. I didn't want to sit through 15 mins of trailers anyway.

Samuel L. Jackson (who is in everything, I swear) starts off the film with his death. The government brings Xander back into the game because he's the only person who can solve the mystery of who's responsible for dropping satellites out of the sky (the explosion is what killed Jackson). He in turn brings in his team of bad asses and they're off to find the bad guys. SPOILER ALERT, the bad guys are also XXX agents and have broken off to do their own thing. The ring leader is Donnie Yen, who I have recently fallen in love with. He's easily one of the better parts of the movie. Which is why he'll be on the trailer in this blog.

There's not much to say about the movie itself. People got beat up, shit blew up, Vin Diesel got laid multiple times. I laughed the whole time, even when I wasn't supposed to. By the time the credits rolled, I had a semi permanent smile on my face. If this movie makes enough money to warrant a sequel, I'd definitely go see it.

Dramatic Drama

Fences

After the horrible experience that was The Bye Bye Man, I was in desperate need of a great film. I've been wanting and waiting to see Fences since it was in its limited release. I found excuse after excuse not to go, saying it'll still be in theaters once I get around to it. It's obviously got one foot out of the door because the theater only had two showing, 10 am and 10 pm. My friend (Everybody say hello to Kelly), picked the morning showing because matinee prices (DUH). Again, I'm the first one to arrive. So much so, that the theater wasn't even open yet. The doors stay locked until 9:30. It was a rat's race to get in line. I was paying cash so no quick tickets from the kiosk for me.

I get the ticket and do some rule breaking that would make you blush. I stuck out to the Starbucks next door to get food and bring it back to the theater. I know, I'm a bad ass rebel. Deal with it. Once I've hidden the goods, I pick our seats and wait patiently. Kelly shows up right before the trailers. (I've seen them all before except the new trailer for XXX: Return of Xander Cage. It was an action packed hot mess that I cannot wait to see.)

Lights go out and the movie starts. From the very first line of dialogue, it's obvious to me it was adapted from a play. The inflections and delivery gave me a glimpse of what the actors' performances were like on stage. It's captivating. Denzel Washington and Viola Davis were just...awesome. I could wax poetic about them for this whole post but I'll keep it to awesome. Davis was the star for me though. The scene when she finally lets Washington have it should secure her every award she has and will be nominated for. It's that good, definitely gave me chills and brought me to tears.

Washington also needs to be commended for his job as director. I feel that this is his greatest film to date. Antwone Fisher held out as my favorite for a long time but this movie takes the cake. The pacing was on point, not once did I check my phone to see what time it was. He gave August Wilson, the writer of the play and screenwriter for the film, his very best. At end credits, the entire audience applauded and some people gave a standing ovation. That speaks to how moved we were as a group.

P.S. We sat three rows to the back, right in the middle. 😃😃

                                                 

Horrible Horror

The Bye Bye Man


This was just the worst horror movie I've seen in recent years. I mean really, it was God awful. And it's all my friend's fault. So lets all throw tomatoes and heckle Kelly for suggesting this movie. (Insert large tomatoes and other garden vegetables being catapulted at Kelly.)

On the bright side, the experience of watching this film was hilarious and worth the matinee price. I arrived at the theater 30 mins before the showing and was waiting for Kelly to show up. Having sat in the lobby for 10 mins, I decide to go sit in the actual theater. Too bad the lights were out, even the lights on the floor to guide you to your seat. If the theater workers were going for a creepy atmosphere, they succeeded. I stood my ass right outside the auditorium until the lights came on. Once that happened, I felt safe enough to pick our seats and wait (im)patiently. She arrives and then the previews start...but with no sound.

That should have told me right then and there the caliber of movie I was about to sit through. The sound comes back on after 5 minutes and the most underwhelming trailers play. (Except for Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, I am too pumped for that.) Now it's finally time for the movie to start. It opens with a vague opening of seemingly random killings and jump cuts to our stars, a trio of college kids off to buy a house. You have Elliot, one of the most lackluster protagonists in horror history. Next is Sasha, Elliot's girlfriend who is basically a wooden plank. Last is John, Elliot's best friend who's only characteristics are that he wants Sasha and is black. With their new house comes creepy vibes right off the bat. They decide to do a seance with a paranormal gifted friend of Sasha's and the scares start.

Well, I guess they were supposed to start. I waited the whole movie to be scared at least once but it never happened. I did however laugh at the jokes the group of people that sat next to me were cracking. Best one was calling John, played by Lucien Laviscount, a discount Drake. It's funny because it's true. So you have a horror movie that was severely lacking in terror, actors that were without any skills, and a theater that has no hopes of anyone staying until the end. I say that because for the last 10 minutes of the film, the lights came on full blast. The was the icing on this crappy cake. And news flash, watching scary movies in the bright light of day takes away from the ambiance.

Finally, thankfully, it was over. I could take a full breath since I was no longer laughing in disbelief. Kelly and I left the theater grateful that we only spent $7 on the tickets and eager to put the memories behind us. With this first blog, I will hopefully obliterate this movie from my mind now that I've written it down.

P.S. We sat in the middle seat in the second to last row 😏😏
P.P.S. Don't think it don't see it don't think it don't see it don't think it don't see it

                                                    

Trying Something New

With every new year comes the same ol' BS revolutions. "I'll lose weight, I'll read more, I'll travel to foreign places." Mine is way easier to achieve. "Start a blog about movies." I get instant gratification since this will be my first post. I'll mainly talk about movies that I've seen in the theater, not on DVD or TV or streaming services. Although if a movie is that damn good (or bad), I'll write a little blurb about it. 

Now, to explain the name of the blog. I had such a difficult time thinking of a name. I didn't want anyone else coming up with a name for me so I suffered in silence. I waited until I set this page up to just write whatever came to mind. Something that was theater/movie related without being too on the nose. I feel like everyone covets the middle seat in the theater. You're not right up on the screen and you're not all the way in the back. You're dead center, able to take it all in. So that's the story with that.

In a perfect world, I'd see every movie that opens but I have a life. Well, it's actually not that hectic but movies are expensive. I plan on uploading at least 3 times a month though. Hopefully I'll be able to stick to that and not forget I even have this blog. Here's to a great year of film.